Public School

Hey, I've made it to post #2. Internet was down yesterday so I didn't have a chance to get in here. Thanks to those who have chosen to get on board for the ride.

You may or may not be aware of this, but the public school system sucks. My son, Joshua, has special needs. Very special needs. He has been diagnosed with autism, bipolar disorder, learning disabilities, and a few other things tossed in there. He requires occupational therapy once a week, sessions with a therapist once a week and psychiatry appointments every four months. Let's not leave out whatever other appointments kids usually need. Needless to say, he's a handful.

He was kicked out of two preschools for behavior problems, spent kindergarten, first and second grade in a regular public classroom. During that time he was miserable, did not learn to read (except what we could do with him at home one on one), he was teased and misunderstood. He fell so far behind in education. He melted into the walls and stared off into space. The teacher, having 28 other children, did not have time or energy to deal specifically with him. His behavior at home was not getting any better either. I begged the school district to put him in a special classroom, smaller student/teacher ratio, tailored lesson plan, etc. They fought me hard. The district "leaders" told us there was no special classroom for kids like Joshua. The schools didn't provide self contained classrooms anymore. In the following meeting with various district people and teachers, this same person lied about what was available in the school system, in fact there were such classrooms. My husband and I just stared blankly at her in shock. Was this really how the school system worked? You just lie and hope you don't get caught? Amazing. By this time, Joshua was in a state of psychosis. He couldn't handle the overwhelming class size and getting lost in the lessons. He wandered the hallways at school not being able to find his way back to his room. He got yelled at (literally) for waiting in the hallway outside the bathroom until the older kids were done and he could go in. He wet himself that day and every day forward because he was afraid to go to the bathroom at school. He came home sick with stomach aches, crying and vomitting. He was in the nurse's office at least three times a week with headaches. He stopped sleeping. I was at a loss as to what to do for him. I didn't know my rights, his rights or what the proper channels were for all of this mess. Joshua ended up hospitalized for 19 days in a psychiatric ward. At that point, I realized that I was on my own. No one was going to give a crap whether my kid got educated properly or not. This was not about caring for the children or teaching them, this was about money. They didn't want to spend the money to send Joshua to a special program. And, the school gets money for every kid they have in their building.

Interestingly enough, after a kid is hospitalized it is more justifiable to get them in to the special programs. Go figure. Oh it was still a fight and we had to get an advocate until they agreed, but it seemed that everyone's tune had changed a bit. Joshua ended up in a day treatment program. The best thing that ever happened to him!! A handful of kids, numerous teachers and therapists, small building, constant parent involvement. He learned to read, he learned to love math, he got super interested in science, he made a friend. No more stomach aches, no more headaches, no more vomitting, we all got a full night's sleep, it all disappeared. And to top it off, his behavior improved at home. Hallelujah! Now, was that so hard to understand? He spent two years in the day treatment program. Then, he graduated from it, he was doing so much better that they couldn't justify keeping him there any longer. Guess what happened next. You got it! In comes the school district to tell us he must go back to public school, regular classroom. Are you kidding me?? Do we not see the difference in this child? Another fight ensued, more back and forth. I refused to sign any of their papers and refused to send him to school until they got it together. That was not what they wanted to hear. They said there were no openings in self contained classrooms, they all had too many kids as it was. I had a friend that I had met through the day treatment program whose son was accepted into a self contained classroom. I called the teacher and asked her how many kids she had. She had five, with room for ten. So, five spaces open. Interesting. I called the district and enlightened them with this information. Still they insisted that the information was wrong! (sigh) Are you as exhausted as I am by this point? Let's just say that after getting on their case enough they accepted him into the program. So, here we are, final year of elementary school. There are six kids, including Joshua, in the classroom. Of those six, three of them go out to general ed classes throughout the day. Within the room there are three teachers and one therapist. Check out that ratio!! Joshua jumped three grade levels during that year. Three! Wow. It was the best year of school yet. He was happy, he made more friends, they understood him, the teachers talked with me every day, and they really cared. The year ended. He graduated from elementary school. His teachers recommended a middle school that they thought would be perfect for him. The district denied the request. I wrote a letter and made some phone calls. They refused, saying it was time for him to merge into general education. Here we go again. I was tired. Really tired. I sent him to middle school. Every day there was another issue. The teachers were not giving him the extra time he needed to complete his work. One teacher had Joshua come out to the car after school and tell me that he had to stay after so that he could complete a paper that his teacher said he "was spacing out and didn't focus on". I told him to get in the car because we were going home. He was bullied in the second week. He wasn't getting enough time between classes to get where he needed to go. Every single accommodation that was written out and agreed upon was neglected. I was making phone calls every day to speak with them about one issue or another. I was told that I was calling too much. By the fourth week, one of the teachers said that he just needs to "buck up and be like everyone else". If it were only that easy. How much do you think I would love to have a child that was like everyone else? How much do you think he would like to be like everyone else? Wouldn't life be easier all around? It doesn't work that way. There is no magic spell that changes these things. It's not Joshua's fault, he didn't ask to be different. So, let's go ahead and say something like that because that will make it all feel better. Joshua stopped sleeping again, he began having migraines, vomitting, he started hallucinating. The last thing I was going to do was allow the school system to drive him crazy enough to send him back to the hospital. I pulled him and out began home schooling.

This has been one of the biggest, most exhausting, things I have ever attempted. Being with your child 24/7 is hard, especially when they are such a challenge. I have run out of steam now. I want Joshua back in school in the Fall. But where? How? The private schools that are focused on kids like Joshua are spectacular. And waaaaay out of our price range. I have considered moving just to get him into a school district that was more equipped to handle his needs. That doesn't seem to be a good option with my husband's job location.

When I called the special education director of the district a few days ago, she informed me that they are trying to get an autism program together that sounds like it would be perfect for Joshua. Ah, there is hope! She followed that up with, "we're not sure when it will be ready, it could be this week or it could be when he's in high school". Okay, deep breath. I asked her what I could do in the meantime to get him into a middle school that would be willing to work with the accommodations we need. She told me to continue to home school him. This is where I broke down into manicial laughter.

So here we are, once again. The end of the school year is here. I'm burnt out. The school district still sucks. I have a stack of options in front of me, start calling all middle schools within the district and see who can offer what. Then fight tooth and nail to get them to allow him to go there. I could get another advocate to help us fight.

No child left behind. Really?

Inclusion is not for every child. It's nice in theory. But it's not a cookie cutter situation. Each kid is different. If you can put your kid in a public classroom and it works, I am very happy for you. We've tried it, it's not for us. Now fix the damn law and take each case individually. These are people, not numbers. My son deserves an education, he deserves to be with teachers who give a damn, he deserves to be treated like a person with feelings and abilities.

Now I muster the energy to move forward with this. I gather my wits and begin the next chapter in public school hell.

There has got to be a better way.