Fragile

Here I am on the other side of the tunnel. I've stumbled through it. I'm still alive. Am I happy to be here? Honestly, no. But here I am.

I tried to forget my own advice and jump back into life. I realized this weekend that I am still fragile. I'm not back to full strength. I'm crying more than I want to. Things are hurting my feelings easily. I need to slow myself down a little and give myself a chance.

I am beginning to have a mixed mood of sadness and anger. Sometimes a lot of my growth comes from the place of anger. I get fed up and want change.

A friend of mine has been trying to help me see myself, my true self. It's rough as hell. A lot of tears. But, it has shown me a few things that I need to focus on. I also saw "Eat, Pray, Love". It pissed me off. I cried. I felt envy and anger. I felt a need to shift my life. She described having no pulse anymore, no passion for life. I'm there now and have been for a while. I don't have unending funds and zero responsibility to jump ship and find myself. So then what? I'm hoping to find that path soon.

So still I ask that you bear with me.