Boundary

One of the most difficult boundaries for me to set is with people I love. I have time contraints in my life. I don't know how this happens, but it just does. I try to cram everything into the day that is possible and also try to make sure everyone is happy about it. That is damn hard. I have friends and family that want to spend time with me and I want to spend time with them. I need to learn how to set boundaries around that. The biggest issue for me is making sure that no one's feelings get hurt. Libbi tells me that it is not my responsibility. Easier said than believed. If I tell someone that I only have a certain amount of time to spend with them, then if they get upset about it, I feel responsible. What I need to do is give myself permission to direct what makes me happy and not work around everyone else's happiness. What makes me happy is balancing my life.

I have four days until I leave for vacation. In these four days I have an overflowing schedule. I am trying to keep my anxiety under control. I have also turned down a couple of friends who want to see us when we get to FL. I have a couple of friends I haven't even told we're going to be in FL so I don't have to deal with that huge uncomfortable issue of having to tell them "no". And all the while, I am giving pieces of my power over to other people. I am going on a honeymoon with my husband after 12 years of marriage. I don't want to see anyone while I'm there. I want to focus on my husband and our connection. I want to have a blast in a place that has always meant happiness to me. I want to see how Joshua handles the week without us. This is a huge experience for all of us.

I need to practice my skills of setting boundaries, asking for what I want/need and not handing over my power constantly. Other people's feelings are important to me, but they don't need to run over my own. I need to practice these things with people I feel safe with. So far, Jason is the only one who I have ventured into this with. Poor soul. But he takes my shaky test runs and deals with them quite well. I even chicken out with him sometimes.

This is all part of my journey.