Ranting and Raving!

Time to rant…

I have kept a few bottles of rants stored around on my shelves and I think it’s time to pop them open. I have to get some things off my chest because it feels like there is an elephant sitting on me and I’m suffocating. These thoughts have been triggered recently and have pushed me to gather the energy to write this.

Friendship. Fair weather friends are ones that only come around when things are going well. They serve a purpose in our lives and certainly have meaning. However, are they the healthiest people to have around? Sometimes I suppose they are. When we are happy and want to pal around or joke around with someone then they are eager to participate. When they have good news to share then they are ready to call you and talk your ear off. When you need to vent they are…wait, where’d they go? I have had this with a couple of my friends. Two or three of my male friend play this game when they are lonely. When they don’t have a girlfriend, they want to talk, they text, they chat. All of the sudden when a woman comes along that they get into a relationship with I seem to disappear into the background. I also have friends who have needed me during a crisis or when they are going through hard times and then they drop off when things improve. I have one friend who I have struggled with for a long time. I have chased them around and around to let them know that I care and have received very little in return. I am now trying to convince myself that I am better off not stressing about it. It’s difficult to face the idea that someone might not care. It feels like rejection and that sucks. We all hate rejection. It’s not a fun feeling to deal with. I am a sensitive person, to a fault I believe. So when things like this go down, I am a bit crushed. I need to pick myself up and dust off my heart. It depends on how much importance I have placed on somebody as to how much pain is involved. This one friend, wow, not even sure how to describe what emotions I have had. I’d like to just say it’s their loss yet I am the one sad about it. I can guarantee that they have not given it a second thought. But, friends come in many flavors and they all serve whatever purpose in our lives that they are meant to. It is our choice what we do with them.

Cell phones. I hate them. I have one purely for emergencies only. I graduated to using it to text because often times it is easier to just send a message than start a whole conversation, especially if I am running from one thing to the next. I have a difficult time telling the person on the other end of the phone that I don’t have time for a chat. That’s the unassertive person in me that needs to grow. I have gone to restaurants and seen couples completely oblivious of each other and playing or texting on their phones while sitting across from each other. I have done this on occasion, however, it is usually only seconds in duration and when wrapping up something or an emergency occurs. I promptly end the conversation and turn my attention to whomever I am with. I walked by some people the other day who were all standing together and ignoring each other so that they could be involved with their cell phones. People carry iPads like they are bibles. You hardly see anyone that is not attached to an MP3 player of some sort. I love these pleasures of modern technology, but I think we are reaching a point where human contact, interaction and politeness have gone out the window. My parents would have NEVER allowed me to sit with company and be on the phone. They wouldn’t even let us bring a book to the table because it was considered ill mannered. I have been in situations where I am visiting with someone and they spend 85% of the time playing with their cell phones to the point where they zone out and have to ask numerous times what we were talking about. When this happens, you have to stop and ask yourself which is more important…spending time with the person who has created a space for you in their lives or the electronic box that seems to be your best friend? I can understand having it nearby, again, I have mine by me in case of emergencies. But, cradling it, playing with it, bouncing it, staring into it, and being involved with it like it is a newborn is a bit over the top for my taste. Put the fucking thing aside and pay attention to the human being who is in front of you waiting ever so patiently for you to stop being rude.

Food. I observed at my board meeting on Thursday night how people act around food. It’s a sad thing really. We had chocolate cookies for dessert. They were small, soft, tasty little yummies. I had two. I paid for it through the rest of the meeting with a dislodged mouth piece, but they were good. First, when people walk up to the food they look over the silver chaffing dishes and measure up their options. Very few people just dig in. Some do, which is awesome to see. The others discuss whether they should have the sauce or not, if someone wants to split a roll with them or if they should just take the whole one but no butter. (I hate splitters!! It’s just unpleasant to walk over to a tray that has people’s halves left laying around. Eat the damn thing or take it to your seat and discuss it there.) Then it comes to dessert time. One lady kept looking at the cookies and telling herself (out loud) that she did not want one. Another person, sitting next to me, looked over at the cookies and made a shy face at me. I told her to go get one. “No, I’m just looking. I want one so bad, but I’m not going to.” Oh yes, that makes complete sense. One man walked up to me and said “did you hear someone calling my name? Oh, wait, it’s the cookies. Now I have to have one because it was talking to me.” Okay. And then there was another person who looked at my cookies and said, “those look so good. Do they taste good?“ To which I answered ‘yes’. “Eat one for me then.” This goes on throughout the room. Again, minus a couple of people who have the wherewithal to just eat the fucking cookie without a production. I have been at parties, restaurants, around friends and family who have this dance with food. They waltz around the idea of eating something that they obviously want. They make excuses out loud to the people around them. They try to convince others that this is just a “treat”. “Oh, I’m off my diet for today!” “I guess this won’t hurt anything.” “I’ve been so good lately, I think this will be okay.” By the way, I don’t care. You are trying to convince yourself, not me. I am not the food police. By telling me how many calories or fat something may or may not have in it does not entice me to want to have a conversation with you because you are ruining my experience. I have even gone so far as to make the request that people not do this at a party I am having. I do not want to hear you say “oh my goodness, that cake looks so good. I wonder how many calories it has. It probably has too much fat in it, I shouldn’t have any.” Eat the fucking thing or don’t. Do not make a huge production out of it. It is not impressing anyone. Food is food. If you want something, eat it. If you don’t want something, then leave it be. And the people who eat one bite of something and then go into this huge speech about how stuffed they are and they can’t believe they were such a pig. You ate one bite of a slice of pizza. Who are you kidding? We all know you are saying that so that other people can try to coax you into eating more and confirm to you that you are thin and that it’s okay to do what you want. Really? Just eat the fucking thing and get on with it. It would be so much more pleasurable to dine with you if you would just relax and enjoy yourself. I know we all want to be thin. We all want to be healthy. But that includes your mind as well. Always doing this when it comes to eating is only going to make you unhealthy and unhappy in more ways than with just your weight. And it makes you miserable company.

Open mindedness. You are or you aren’t. Playing the fence is just silly. Do not tell me that you are open minded and then not be willing to open your mind. Parachutes, people…better when opened. It’s not my business if you believe certain things or don’t support other things. If you want to discuss it then I’m happy to do so. If that is the case then don’t shut me down after stating your opinion. Discuss means that more than just yourself gets to be involved. Unless you like to discuss things in the mirror. Which is not such a bad thing some days. “I love all people from all cultures except those that wear turbans.” Not open minded. “I think all religions except those that believe in more than one god have a right to be followed.” Not open minded. In addition, saying that you support something and then later saying a derogatory remark is not being open minded. Almost everyone can take a joke, when it is not too over the top. It is easiest to laugh when you are poking fun at yourself. I find Jewish jokes funnier when told by a Jewish person. It’s almost like you have earned a right to be saying that because you are laughing at yourself first. You have given permission to others to enter your world of humor because it is your invitation to give. Make sense? I do not want to hear words that make me sick to my stomach. Name calling and slurs are ridiculous. It makes the person saying them look stupid, uneducated and rude. There are no exceptions to this. Racial, sexual or religious. Your opinion is fine, but name calling is lame. I have heard the words “nigger and faggot and raghead” way too many times and I am over it. Shut the fuck up. Just typing those words makes me want to vomit. The only reason people even use those types of words is because they are afraid. Do not fear what you do not understand. Open a book. Read something. Educate yourself. Otherwise someone might call you a name…here’s a good one…douche bag. People who claim to be open minded and then have stipulations on it makes zero sense. It’s really not a gray area kind of thing. Either you accept all of this or that or you do not. And if you do not, that’s you’re right. If you choose that path then all I ask is that you not exclaim that you are open minded if you are not. Stand proud with your beliefs. There is no need to play smoke and mirrors because as soon as you open your mouth with the opposite conviction you have lost all credibility. My suggestion: open your mind first, listen, try something new, then make your decisions. If you cannot do something because of moral reasons, that is understandable. But if it is only because you want to keep yourself from opening your mind (and your eyes) there are no excuses.

The government. Could you just let us breathe? What happened to the land of the free? When did the reasons we came here to this country become meaningless? The government tells us what to do every step of the way. I’m surprised they haven’t put a coin machine on the back of my toilet to collect money every time I take a crap. Medications cost more than people can afford, they are trying to hike the prices up on food that is deemed unhealthy, there is the sin tax, and the list goes on. People are drowning in debt. People are homeless. Illness is rampant on the streets. No one can get help they need. The jails are stuffed to the gills. People are hungry. Children are living in cars. Everyone feels like their rights are being taken away. There has always been debates in our country. We are founded on the freedom to be who we are. However, we have not always had things pounded into our brains and been so completely ignored as we are now. Talk about micromanaging!! Those in charge are top heavy and full of themselves. Money is meaningless except for the fact that the wealthy have it and the rest of us don’t. We are exhausted, we are overloaded, we are stressed. We are broke, we are struggling. We are unhappy. Love my country, hate my government. When do we do something about it and how? This is a serious question. I’m not being cheeky. I feel like I’m being nitpicked by people I have never met. I am being told what to wear on my head when I ride a damn bicycle. I am being told what food someone else thinks is good for me. I am being forced to do whatever “they” want me to do because I apparently have no other options. What the hell is that? Anarchy is not the answer, but if I am not my own person then what the hell is the point?

Acceptance. Why is it anyone’s business who I love? Why does someone in another state care who I go to bed with? Why is my marriage something that the government gets to vote on? Why can’t my partner be a partner in all aspects of my life? When I was dating, my parents were the only ones that had some say over who they approved of in my life. Even then it was questionable whether I listened to them or not. But at least there was a sense of understanding that this was part of the family plan. My parents are not the entire world. The entire world is not my parent. If I am in love with a man, then so be it. If I am in love with a woman, then so be it. If I am in love with both, then so be it. Monogamy, polygamy, polyamory, homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual. Besides trying to “fix” what is not broken, how about we stop for a moment and stand in awe of how much love there is in the world. Among all of the hate, the wars, the violence…there is this much love. Wow. Embrace it, don’t be ashamed. Open your arms to it. It’s okay.

Comparison. My kid is different than your kid. My relationships are different than your relationships. Do not meet my child for the first time, convince yourself that he is perfect and then tell me that I am out of my mind to think he has any issues. Do not tell me that “every teen does” this or that. Do not express to me what I need to do in order to force my kid to behave a certain way. I have spent countless hours with this child. For years. I know him pretty well. I have also spent countless hours with other children. For years. I know that my child is different. I have files and folders stuffed with information regarding my son since he was born. He is not the same as everyone else. No child is the same as everyone else’s! Your opinion does not matter to me so unless I ask for your advice please keep your mouth shut. If you would like to identify with me, empathize with me, talk with me…go for it. I am all ears. Do not tell me how to raise my child. On that same note, do not tell me what to do with my husband. Do not council me on my marriage. I do not want your opinion on our relationship. If I ask for your advice then I will happily listen to it. If you would like to tell me concerns you have, want to share any similar experiences, then go for it. Just do not tell me what I “need” to do. The same goes for any family relationship I have. My mother is a huge example of this. She is a bitch, ok? There is not more energy left in me to sugar coat it. Families are weird, families are different, we each have our own craziness to contend with. Do not tell me how to love or accept people in my family that you have not had to live with for forty years.

Mental health. I have bipolar disorder. This is not a secret. It took me twenty years to be able to not make it a secret. I lived under the disguise of the bubbly, sweet, always willing to be here for everyone girl for too many years. I was lost in the shuffle of my own masks. I still am. I am learning to be the real me. This includes depression and mania. That means that sometimes I will be sad and sometimes I will be happy. Sometimes I even get a balance! We all have those experiences. I just happen to have them to a degree where it affects every aspect of my life. I take medication. I go to therapy. I have been in hospitals because of my illness. It is as real as diabetes and heart disease. It is not something that I created or made happen. It is not something I asked for. It is a real thing that goes on physiologically. It is chemistry. It affects my brain and my body. I use Facebook and this blog as an outlet. If I happen to be really down and I post something that reflects that, then that is me being the real me. If I am happy and I post something that reflects that, then that is me being the real me. I will not and cannot snap out of any mood. I am not a faucet. I am a human. If you wish to ignore the statuses or posts that you do not like, that is your decision and it does not bother me. If you wish to not deal with me because those things offend you, then that is your choice. However, if you choose to be involved with me on any given emotion or mood, please understand that by telling me to “snap out of it”, “it could be worse”, or “get over it” are not helpful and will most likely just piss me off or make it worse. The same as if you would say to someone who is happy “get over it”, “why can’t you be sad”, or “settle down”. It’s ridiculous, right? Emotions other than happiness make people uncomfortable so they say things that wish the feelings away. It is just to make themselves feel better about what they cannot control. Sadness is just as valid and real as happiness. Treat it as such.

So there it is. A few bottles that needed to be popped open. Feel free to comment, reflect, question.