Guilty Laughter

Mixed emotions can be a chore to deal with.  Everyone has had those moments in life when there are situations going on around you that has you torn in different directions.  For example, (not to make assumptions) when I was in the hospital I know that some people were concerned and worried about me, but at the same time their lives carried on.  They still had to take care of their families.  They still laughed at jokes. 

I am having one of those days.  Or weeks.  Or who knows.

I am feeling better physically.  I am able to laugh again.  At the same time I feel sadness.

One of my best friends is going through the most difficult time of her life.  Her very independent, stubborn (and I say this with love), father had a stroke last Friday, the night before her two sons' and mother's birthday party.  We all chipped in and helped make the party happen.  It was important for the boys.  My friend made it through the day for her kids, but was exhausted and filled with emotions.  It is so hard to watch her go through this.  I want to help her.  I want to run to her aid.  I live 45 minutes away and have no idea what to do for her family.  At the same time I have to watch myself.  I will be no good to anyone if I bury myself under too much again.  I want to make this go away for her.  She has big events coming up that are happy and beautiful and she is going to have so much on her plate.  Her sister is expecting a baby and is due in August.  My friend is going to turn the big 3-0 in July.  She is going to night school and getting fantastic grades.  This is just wrong.  Life is fucked up. 

I have my life to deal with and I want to help my friends.  I feel guilty if I laugh and enjoy myself and I have all my friends' struggles on my mind.  I want to help but I have to remember to take care of myself and my family at the same time. 

We all have had these situations.  I hope that I can support her and my own plate full of stuff at the same time.  The one thing I can promise is that I am going to try my best.