Doctor's Orders

Jason and I took a trip to the doctor today. Sometimes it takes health issues to make one realize that life is not working for you.

Work, finances, stress…it all comes down on your shoulders. The main issue: Joshua. The doctor suggested that Jason take about 30 minutes a day to himself. He deserves it. I forget that sometimes. I am not the only one who deserves “me” time. He works on his feet all day, waking up at 3:30 in the morning. Because he is not diagnosed with bipolar disorder does not mean he does not get depressed or worn out or overwhelmed.

The doctor also suggested that we do more things as a couple. Dance lessons? Evening walks? And as well as that, perhaps a therapy set up for just us without Joshua. A place for us to vent and get support as a couple. It’s a lot different than therapy with Joshua sitting next to you.

The last time that Jason and I felt truly connected was on our honeymoon. One year ago in January. The doctor said that we need to pay more attention to why we fell in love in the first place. We didn’t fall in love and come together as a couple for Joshua. We did it because of each other.

The best part of the doctor’s appointment for me was the recognition that having a teen with mental health issues is overwhelming and stressful. The nod to us that we are doing the best we can and struggling to stay afloat as a couple.

The funny thing was…one look at both of us and the doctor said “you both look so tired”. And we both thought we looked more rested than usual. Reality check.

We are coming up on Joshua’s holiday break. Two weeks. He will be spending that time with Ron. This is another opportunity for Jason and I to reconnect. Money is tight. The amount of money we are using for the trip to meet Ron in the middle is more than we would ever spend for the holidays. It will be worth it.

Joshua has become unbearable lately. We walk on eggshells around him hoping we don’t set him off. We are irritated whenever we are with him. Our home doesn’t feel like a place of comfort anymore. Jason dreads coming home after work. I dread picking Joshua up from school. Hell, I dread waking him up in the morning. It’s too much. It’s sucking the life out of us. We desperately need a break.

We need a good nights sleep. We need to move through the house without being yelled at. We need to be able to hold hands without being pushed apart. We need privacy, we need to be able to talk to each other, we need to be able to live and breathe without being condemned for it. This child has taken over our lives and we are drowning.

Following the doctor’s orders is a good way to start the new year. Either that or start smoking again.